First Birthday

Today, I turn 34 but it is my first birthday.  Confused?  Let me explain.  Once I finally got my adoption papers, I poured myself a drink, sat down at the kitchen island and combed over those eight pages for days analyzing every word on those sheets of paper over and over again.  Then I saw it.  My birthdate that I thought was May 14th, 1982 my whole life, turns out, was today, 34 years ago.  Not the date we've been celebrating for the last 33 years.

Again, the anger set in.  Yet another thing they lied to me about.  What else have they been lying to me about?  I couldn't believe it but I could.  The discovery that I was adopted explains my whole childhood that I don't even know where to begin and I can't even fit into a single post.  So for now, I start with my birthday.

On Easter Sunday, I missed a call from 'mom' because I was getting ready to go to Easter service with J, Nathan and J's parents.  I wasn't going to let her ruin our family's Easter.  I told myself I wasn't going to call but by Tuesday, against my better judgement, I called 'dad' because I needed answers. He didn't answer but I saw his number pop up on my caller ID immediately but it wasn't 'dad'. Instead it was 'mom'.  So I tried asking her the question regarding my birthday.  She told me the agency messed it up on my paperwork.  *EYE ROLL*  Which is funny because 'dad' hated it when I would roll my eyes.  Well I hate that they hid my adoption from me.  So I really don't care.  Again huge EYE ROLL that the adoption agency put the wrong birthdate on ALL my papers.

If I didn't know her better I would have probably believed her.  But since I know that they hid this from me for 33 years, I knew they were capable of lying about this as well.  I'm certain that she was lying when she was talking to me on the phone that day because during their conversation with J about my adoption, they told him that they weren't able to get me until a month after I was born. What they don't know is that I read a journal entry in 'dad's' journal dated May 17th, 1982, three days after my 'birthday', about how happy they were to have me.  So if they couldn't get to me for a month after my birthday, how  do you suppose he was able to write that journal entry three days after my 'birthday'?  You do the math.  Uh huh.  That's what I thought.

So today, I am celebrating my first birthday.  On my real birthday.  I'm celebrating me.  Celebrating who I am, the good, the bad the ugly.  I'm celebrating where I came from.  I'm celebrating where I've been.  I'm celebrating where I am now with the help of my friends and the love, support and patience of J.  And I'm looking forward to the future.  

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I'm a 35 year old working, running and shopping (not necessarily in that order) mom living in the burbs surrounding the beautiful city of Austin with my husband, our very active 5 year old and our rescue dog Buddy. This blog is my little space of the internet where I let my ADD run loose and I blog about...anything.


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