Goodbye Toby :-(

I don't quite know how to write this blog entry. It's been a week since we had to say goodbye to Mr. Toby. We had a great 7 years with him. At first, his life with us was going to be very short because on November 28, 2003, we were told that not only did he have abnormally large kidneys but that one was completely damaged and only 10% of the remaining kidney was healthy. We took him home to spend some time with him before we had to say goodbye. It wasn't easy then. But lucky for us, there was a volunteer vet there that day that suggested we try giving him IV fluids and what would you know? The little guy made it. He made it an extra six years. We've enjoyed the last six years. When we were told about his bad kidneys we knew the day would come when his little kidneys would finally give up again. Having to say goodbye this time was even harder than the first time.

Maybe it's just my pregnancy hormones but I just can't get over the sadness that I'm feeling. I feel so guilty feeling so sad when I should be so excited about welcoming Nathan into the world. I'm afraid that if I feel happy about the arrival of Nathan, I'd be forgetting about all the years we had with Toby and I don't want to forget him. I'm a little sad because we were looking forward to seeing Nathan grow up with Toby. Looks like that will never happen. I also feel so silly because I'm sure I look like a complete drama queen carrying on about my cat. But he was so much more than a cat. He was my little buddy. I'm sure going to miss him. In the back of my mind, I know he was in so much pain and we did what was best for him but I feel like we kind of just gave up on him. I kept hoping that the little fighter in him that brought him back the first time would reappear. As he took his final breaths I hope that he knew how much we loved him and how much we will miss him. We will never be able to find a cat quite like Toby. He definately was a character.

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I'm a 36 year old full-time student, runner and shopaholic (not necessarily in that order) mom living in the burbs surrounding the beautiful city of Austin with my husband, our very active 9 year old and our rescue dog Buddy. This blog is my little space of the internet where I let my ADD run loose and I blog about...anything.



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